How Do You Love Me—Agape or Philia?

Beyond a deep feeling, it’s sacrificial action—agape love.

February’s Awakening, Day 4

Charity means love. It is called Agape in the New Testament to distinguish it from Eros (sexual love), Storge (family affection) and Philia (friendship). So there are four kinds of love, all good in their proper place, but Agape is the best because it is the kind of love God has for us and is good in all circumstances.

 —C. S. Lewis  

Agape (love) means understanding, redeeming good will for all persons. It is an overflowing love which is purely spontaneous, unmotivated, groundless, and creative. It is not set in motion by any quality or function of its object. It is the love of God operating in the human heart.

 —Martin Luther King, Jr 

When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love [agape] me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love [philia] you.” Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.” John 21:15 NIV

            In the Koine, or “Common” Greek language (the original language of our New Testament) there are at least four major words used to describe our single English word “love.”  While most of the time the correct interpretation of the nuances of the word love can be ascertained by its context, sometimes it’s not that apparent. That is why scholars study the original biblical languages—Hebrew with a bit of Aramaic of the Old Testament and the Greek of the New Testament—to better understand and appreciate those nuances of word meaning.

            As we see above, the four Greek words for love are: agape, philia, storge, and eros. Of those four, the word forms seen in the New Testament are agape and philia, with agape overwhelmingly being seen most commonly. Eros is of course the erotic, physical, sexual, sensual, intimate descriptor of love. Storge is most often seen as the affection between family members, especially parents toward children, but is also a descriptor of love for one’s country or sports team. Philia, seen occasionally in the NT, has a wide range of meaning, including: friendship, an affinity towards, brotherly love, tender affection, and the enjoyment of a particular activity or such. Agape, seen most frequently in the NT, is a resolute, willful, deliberate, and sometimes sacrificial choice to show compassion and benevolence unselfishly and unconditionally to God and mankind.

            Agape is always the love that God expresses towards us and it is the love that we are admonished to reflect back to Him and all mankind. Philia is more the feeling of love as a closeness or camaraderie, whereas agape is more the action of love through care and compassion regardless of any personal gain or affection returned. That is why we are to agape our enemies (willful compassion), but never philia them (bond of close friendship).

            Jesus asked Peter, “Do you agape me?” (Do you love me resolutely to the point of sacrificing yourself for me?) Peter replied, “You know that I philia you.” (You know that you are my good friend.) Peter acknowledged his close bond of friendship with Jesus but he was not yet fully prepared for the demonstration of his sacrificial agape love. You see, Peter was ultimately crucified too, upside down at his request—stating that he was not worthy to be crucified in the same manner as his Lord and Savior. How do you love God?